Dr. Kelso: Hello, I'm Dr. Kelso, I'm delighted that you came 

So the doctors say you fainted, and you don't know what's to blame 

Well, put your mind at ease, there's no ill we can't outsmart 

On behalf of all who work here... 



All: Welcome to Sacred Heart! 



J.D: Our facilities are excellent! You couldn't ask for more 

Janitor: As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor 

Dr. Kelso: This is Dr. Cox, I'll be giving him your chart 

Dr. Cox: And that's Dr. Kelso -- the kiss-ass of Sacred Heart! 



Turk: You say you burned your hand real bad -- we'll fix you up with gauze

Elliot: Perhaps you need your fat sucked out -- or want a smaller schnoz! 

J.D: Hey! 



Dr. Kelso: You caught an S.T.D. from some tasty little tart? 

All: We swear 

We won't judge you here at Sacred... 

Here at Sacred... 

Here at Sacred Heart! 



... 



Dr. Kelso: One more thing that I should mention 

If what I've heard is true 

And everyone appears to be singing to you.... 



All: Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! 



Dr. Kelso: Your case is very serious! And we'd better start! 



All: 

'Cause if you think we're singing, you belong at Sacred Heart! 

Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys! 

Welcome to Sacred Heart!