I know this guy named Richard 

He's my red-necked friend 

He does everything the hard way 

You see, Rich don't like to bend. 

He went out for a haircut 

Get himself a little trim 

Got hooked up with a beautician 

And she set out to do him in 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no. 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt. 

Now Rich knows girls in England 

He's a well traveled man 

He's been around the world, you see. 

He's met some hard demands. 

But, Jane, she knocked him right down 

Well, he'll just get right back up, whew! 

Together they have this bond, you see. 

She likes to tie him up. 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no. 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

Yea, but, then she kissed him where it hurt, ow! 

Now, Rich, he got all junked up. 

Something rubbed him wrong. 

But, Jane, she straightens him out. 

Yeah, it never takes that long. 

'Cause Rich, he has no conscience 

He's of a friendly persuasion 

And any chance he has to meet someone new. 

He'll always rise to the occasion. 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no. 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt, ow! 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no. 

She knocked Dick in the dirt 

He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt. 

Uh! Ow!