I am a lovesick gentleman
Who pines and pines over the smallest things
Most of them are truly inconsequential
They are inconsequential things

So I'll write you the longest letter
Describing my feelings and all these stupid things
I'll cross my fingers that your heart melts
And you look at me and tell me "Darling, where have you 
been?"

I am an uncool Canadian kid
Awed and inspired by all the popular guys
Most of them are truly irresponsible
They do irresponsible things

But I'm just a heartbroke gentleman
And gentlemen never seem to get gentle women
I need a small town girl
To follow me home and teach me how to be a real man

I am a gentleman
An oh so gentleman
A plain jane gentleman
A hold-the-door-for-you gentleman
A no good gentleman
A stupid, boring gentleman
A dumbstruck gentleman
A gentle, gentle, gentleman