Mustache? No Sideburns? No
Goatee? Maybe Beard? BEARD!
Do you feel alone? Do you feel neglected?
Not doing to well with the ladies?
Well I've got the solution for you!

Low self esteem? GROW A BEARD!
Afraid to follow your dreams?
Are you lonely and sad?
You wanna look good in plaid?
Are you working out?
Did your car break down?
Ice caps melting?
Are you stuck in the middle of nowhere
And need to make an important phone call
But the battery's dead
And you can't find an outlet to plug in your charger?

GROW A BEARD!

Grow the beard, feed the beard
Brush the beard, manscape the beard
Stroke the beard, love the beard
Fear the beard, OBEY THE BEARD!

OBEY THE BEARD BEHOLD THE BEARD
ACCEPT THE BEARD RESPECT THE BEARD.

Impress your date with your beard
Eat a steak
Chop down trees
Crush your enemies
Catch a fish
Round house kick
Troll the net
Chia pet? Ch-ch-ch-Chia beard
Drive a truck
Try your luck
Arm wrestle
Teenage Mutant Ninja Beard
Pet the doggie
I pledge allegiance to the beard
Can't grow a beard? Then BUY A BEARD!
Do you have a beard? THEN GROW MORE BEARD!
"You need to shave this thing!"
SHUT UP GRANDMA GROW A BEARD!
Defend the beard, drink to the beard
Cause beards are good and scruff!

I was so empty and lost inside till I grew you
(till you grew me)
I put my faith in my facial hair to get me through
Well I can defy the odds again and again
With you on my chin (I'm on your chin)
With every moment you grow closer and closer to my heart.

Do you take this beard to be your lawfully wedded beard for bearder or for
Worse, in scruffiness and in beard till shave do you part? I beard.

Abe Lincoln had a beard
ZZ Top EPIC beards
Dimebag Darrel METAL beard
Chuck Norris KICKASS beard
Number one make it beard
Chewbacca IS a beard
Santa Claus Jesus Christ GOD has a beard.