Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher

He's found a way to make them pay

For the deviant things they do and say

Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher

He's a dutiful man with his task at hand

And he's bound to insure with his master plan

The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher



In October of 1968 in the heart of Montague Square

There was rumor of some deviation

So Pilcher's Squad was there

Though it was determined before the intrudence

The flat was fully clear

When Pilcher arrived and made his inspection

The hashing magically appeared



Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher

He's found a way to make them pay

For the deviant things they do and say

Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher

He's a dutiful man with his task at hand

And he's bound to insure with his master plan

The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher



In March of 1969 on return from the store

Patty Harrison found Pilcher's squad waiting at her door

Planting tidbits on the pop-stars seemed quite the thing to do

'Till it landed Pilcher in the pokie in 1972



Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher

He's found a way to make them pay

For the deviant things they do and say

Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher

He's a dutiful man with his task at hand

And he's bound to insure with his master plan

The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher