...We already played that
We're going to lighten it up a bit
We're going to lighten it up a bit
This really isn't a stupid song
This is a special song
This is an important song
This is a dance song
This is.. THIS IS RED ROCKS...THIS IS THE EDGE!!!
No really this is a song about...
We want to get serious now that we have your attention
We want to talk about..
We want to talk about an important man (Diarrhea!-Mike)
Who could have an important effect
On everybody in this room's lives
If they were willing to take the chance
To let this person into their hearts and their views
Because this is a special man
This man was a philosepher many years ago
(Background OOOH's and AHH's begin here)
And this man wrote a great book
For this is the author of the Helping Friendly Book
The book that could change your life, the way it changed ours
And I hope that someday
That you, you people will all have the chance
To read the Helping Friendly Book
And experience the wisdom
Of the great and knowledgeable
Man who wrote the Helping Friendly Book
Because he is, the great and knowledgeable
He is the one, the only
Author of the great Helping Friendly Book
HE is, the man, the great man, the only
The special
His name is...
The Author of the Helping Friendly Book
He is the great, the knowledgeable
The one, the only
The great and knowledgeable
Person who wrote the Helping Friendly Book
His name could only be
The one, the only
The only, the special, the Author of the Helping Friendly Book
HE WROTE THE PHUCKING BOOK OK!
HE WROTE THE BOOK
His name..
WAS..
ICCULUS!!!!!

[ this part is sung ]

Written by the great and knowledgeable Icculus
Ya! Our children are old enough
To read ICCULUS (or Ridicule us)

A cold and lonely night
Running the pace of her fright
Look at her face tonight!
(Starts to go into a jam, then stops abruptly)
Thanks!