I read the news today, oh boy 
About a lucky man who made the grade 
And though the news was rather sad 
Well, I just had to laugh 

I saw the photograph 
He blew his mind out in a car 
He didn't notice 
That the lights had changed 

A crowd of people stood and stared 
They'd seen his face before 
Nobody was really sure 
If he was from the House of Lords 

I saw a film today, oh boy 
The English Army had just won the war 
A crowd of people turned away but I just had to look 
Having read the book, I'd love to turn you on 
Woke up, got out of bed 
Dragged a comb across my head 
Dragged my way downstairs and drank a cup 
And looking up I noticed I was late 

Found my coat and grabbed my hat 
Made the bus in seconds flat 
Got my way upstairs and had a smoke 
Then somebody spoke and I went into a dream 

I read the news today, oh boy 
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire 
And though the holes were rather small 
They had to count them all 

Now they know how many holes 
It takes to fill the Albert Hall 
I'd love to turn you on