Behind the counter stood on crutches made of wood 

A one-legged girl with blue-grey eyes, warm and wise. 

I fled from that place and from that lovely face 

That the one-legged girl stole my heart and I need help. 

Cold November morning, buried under trees. 

I would stay here all day long except I have to eat. 

Crack the woods, crack them open both with shovels and yells. 

Got to find little people, got to ask for their help. 

And I tell them 

If I could run fast, as fast as the Flash 

Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness. 

If I were a Gai-King or maybe a Viking, 

Stronger than the Thing then I could win the one-legged girl. 

Getting close to nighttime, running out of steam. 

By now I know my family's looking and they'll know right where I'll be. 

Spy the eyes in the twilight, small and bright, warm and wise. 

Little hats, little fingers, and a flask full of wine. 

And I'd tell them 

If my hand were wheels and if my feet were wheels 

Then I could roll over all of my rivals. 

If I could cast a spell or do something swell 

So that she could tell I was worth her attention. 

Arms drag me away. 

The little eyes wink out. 

Stuffed inside my pocket is a flask of wine. 

Now I can run as fast as the Flash 

Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness. 

Now I'll be a Gai-King or maybe a Viking, 

Stronger than the Thing. 

Now I can win the one-legged girl!