Ren: "Steempy! What's all that racket about?" 

Stimpy: "I'm tap-dancing, Ren! Pretty good, huh?" 

Ren: "Eet just sounds like noise to me! And you look even more stupeed than usual!" 

Stimpy: "Oh, pshaw! Tap-dancing is fun, Ren! Why don't you join me?" 

Ren: "Oh no, I'm no eediot." 

Stimpy: "Oh c'mon! No one will ever see you." 

Ren: "No way!" 

Stimpy: "Just put these shoes on, and move your feet..." 

Ren: "BACK OFF, MAN!! I can do it..." 

Stimpy: "Now, don't you feel better?" 

Ren: "Heeeey, thees eez fun! You're right, Stimpy. I'm sorry I'm all the time so mean to you." 

Stimpy: "Think nothin' of it, buddy! Pal! 



It's really great to have a chum 

Who's kind and caring and lots of fun. 

He slaps me around when I feel blue; 

Only a pal would do that for you. 

His name is Ren 

And when it comes to a friend, 

No one is better. 



Your turn, pal!" 

Ren: Ah, okay, bud--AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! You eediot! If you're going to tap-dance, do it on your own two feet!" 

Stimpy: "Whoops." 



Ren: "He's really fat, [Stimpy burps] but I admit," 

Stimpy: (What's that, Ren?) 

Ren: "He's not so dumb..." 

Stimpy: (Joy!) 

Ren: "...For an eediot! 

I hate the smell of his stinky leeter box 

And when he fills me to my stay-put socks. 

He's lost his mind 

But when I'm een a bind, 

He's better than no one. 



Would you wanna comb my hair?" 

Stimpy: "With glee!" 

Ren: "Would you shave my tongue?" 

Stimpy: "For free!" 

Ren: "Would you flense my spleen?" 

Stimpy: "Whoopee!" 

Both: "You're the friend for me!" 



Ren: "My friend to the end," 

Stimpy: (That's me! That's me!) 

Ren: "Which I hope is soon," 

Stimpy: (He hopes is soon!) 

Ren: "Has a head full of air" 

Stimpy: (A head full of air?) 

Ren: "Like a red balloon!" 

Stimpy: "A balloon-head? Wow! What a great thing to be! 

You always say the nicest things to me!" 

Ren: "You're a fool!" 

Stimpy: "But I think you're cool! 

No one is better. 



Would you tell me a story?" 

Ren: "No way!" 

Stimpy: "Would you pick my nose?" 

Ren: "For pay..." 

Stimpy: "Would you scratch my back?" 

Ren: "No!" 

Stimpy: "Pluck my brows?" 

Ren: "No!!" 

Stimpy: "Clean my box?" 

Ren: [screams] 

Stimpy: "Lick my fur?" 



Ren: "All right, Stimpy! THAT'S EET! I've had enough of your stUUUUpid questions! The answer is NO! No, I tell you! A thousand times, NOOOO!!!!" 

Stimpy: "Oh, just asking!" 



Ren: "We're opposites by nature." 

Stimpy: "He's a dog, and I-I'm a cat! I think." 

Ren: "But put us both together..." 

Stimpy: "And we're a purr-fect match!" 

Ren: "Shut up!" 

Stimpy: "Yes, sir! I'm glad he's here to tell me what to do!" 

Ren: "Aw, somebody's got to think for you. 

You may be a dud, 

But when I need a bud, 

You're better than no one." 



Stimpy: "No one is better!" 

Ren: "You're better than..." 

Stimpy: "No one is..." 

Ren: "Better than..." 

Stimpy: "No one..." 

Both: "No one... is better."