I used to get upset over giant papercuts and math 
equations
Nothing stuck in my craw more than dogfights and 
shopping malls and tax evasion
And sexist tabloid culture and Brangelina and paparazzi
And Proposition 8 and discrimination and neo-Nazis

But anymore these things don't seem to bother me
Ever since I started hanging out with Mr. T
He told me to stay out of drugs, and drink my milk
And treat my mother right
And I pity the fool who disagrees

I disliked Gwen Stefani for her weird-ass voice and 
that stupid hair of hers
And it felt like JK Rowling conspired to kill off all 
my favorite characters
I disliked all the people I had to ride with on the 
commuter bus
If Nancy Grace and I were to meet I would've kicked her 
in the uterus

But my attitude has had a total overhaul
Since Mr. T told me how to forgive them all
He said "let the naysayers nay, I don't care what they 
say,
"It's all jibber-jabber anyway"
and I pity the fool who cannot rhyme.

He said "I must go on, gotta help more kids and gotta 
spread my knowledge."
I said "T, please don't go." He said, "Hold it, kid! 
You're old and you're in college."
He said "You know all that I know, I can't teach you 
nothing, I swear it's true,
Go out and live your life because there's so much 
goodness in the world for you.

"You go watch as Bob Ross paints himself some happy 
trees
And those happy cows on TV make you happy cheese."
And then he dug in his spurs and rode into the sky on 
that thing from The Neverending Story
And I pity the fool who mess with T.