P-I-N-G P-O-N-G P-I-N-G P-O-N-G P-I-N-G P-O-N-G
P-I-N-G P-O-N-G P-I-N-G P...

Sippin' Perrier, playin' ping pong
Movin' up the ranks y'all - hey man you know there's 
nothin' wrong
With a late-night battle, I always stay prepared
Got my paddle in my backpack, challengers beware
With the P-I-N-G, volley for the serve, hit it nice and 
easy
See we got these regulations for the tournament
O.R.P.P.R.B check the document
I'll officiate, yo but Ben keep it on the level
Inspect the surfaces - arguments'll settle
Scrutinize the nets, keep 'em taut and snappy
rock the color commentary, keep the people happy

It's on - the day starts just before dawn
Robots on the front lawn givin' seminars
On the finer arts - like brutal backhand hits
People linin' up earnin' new certificates
Check the merchandise - man, Grimmy thought of every 
thing
Sweat bands up to grand champion rings
It means that nobody leaves empty-handed
Every last ball on the court's O.R.P.P.R.B. branded
Demand from my sponsors is big and gettin' better
See me at the match in my ping pong sweater
In the locker room liftin' weights to get strong
Sippin' Perrier, playin' ping pong

Ping pong - step up to the table
Ping pong - put the ball in play
Ping pong - I don't care what you call it
Step up to the table put the ball in play

Ping pong - step up to the table
Ping pong - put the ball in play
Ping pong - not once have I fallen
Step up to the table put the ball in play

Yo they challenged me to a sanctioned event
And quick quick with the skunk yeah - love zero six
Top spin smashes stopped 'em dead in their tracks
You see the way I relax is winning ping pong matches
The victories are comin' in batches when I practice it
back in, back in again

Forehand, no return, practice sideways spin
The skin on my paddle's kinda floppy
But it don't stop me , I'll win in any condition
While you're wishing that you could scout out my style 
and try to copy
I'm in Japan learning secret paddle positions
I eat with my fingers, consult the master for advice:

"You can excel, grasshopper, if you're willing to pay 
the price!
Keep your eyes on the ball. Feel the paddle like a 
friend.
You don't have to have telekinesis but pretend
like you do. Then guide the sphere around the court.
Enter into the slow motion so that time & space 
distort.
Make report with the paddle; pick pock how it go.
Pop-lock as you wield it; feel the ball flow
against the counter-currents of the motions you make.
You might mistake it for a simple game of angles, but 
it ain't.
Now taint the universe with the flavor of your game,
tilt reality around the ball to shape the lane
of its travel. But do not let it unravel fate:
don't return a volley if it's already too late.
It's unfair to your opponent how you move through air,
how you throw away your racket -- in your back pocket 
got a spare,
how you dared him to serve before you got in the room,
how he tried but the net cradled each as a womb.
Now, assuming that you've got all my lessons 
ignored..."

See me at the Comfort Inn at the world tour
It's 4 AM, I'm eatin' continental breakfast
The competition don't expect this
A new serve for Mr. Cyberman - an ace is unexpected
I'm happy as long as my ladder-pulls is protected
Our gear's not the tightest - it's all that we found
That table might wobble but it don't fall down
I'm in the locker room, liftin' weights gettin' strong
Sippin' Perrier, playin' ping pong

Ping pong - step up to the table
Ping pong - put the ball in play
Ping pong - I don't care what you call it
Step up to the table put the ball in play

Ping pong - step up to the table
Ping pong - put the ball in play
Ping pong - not once have I fallen
Step up to the table put the ball in play

Every ball is branded, serve it left-handed
O.R.P.P.R.B see the label in demand
And it can get kinda crazy, you understand
And it don't faze me, it's just the way that we planned 
it
(repeat 4x)

"I don't lose!"

* raw fish and rice