(No one can do it better)



Damn I hate this job 

to work in this dump you gotta be a snob 

everybody gets on my nerves in this place 

I think I'll take the afternoon off from the rat race 

an exciting career 

don't amount to much but a pain in the rear 

I bust my ass all day for a dollar 

and then I go home and listen to the kids holler 

devoted spouse waitin' in the den 

wants to hit me upside the head with a rolling pin 

does that ring a bell? 

a daily routine we all know well 

I'm makin' more but enjoyin' it less 

the good life's mainly causin' me stress 

making a change is difficult but 

I gotta try to get out of this rut 

but fear seems to be holdin' me back 

courage is the principle trait I lack 

I gotta calm my nerves so I can think 

I pour myself a nice stiff drink 

and another this is my usual mode 

one for the money and ten for the road 

ah, now everything is clear 

I gotta get the hell out of here 

Yes now my mission is plain 

a Big Mac is calling my name 

I gotta sample some of Ronald's cooking 

so I raid my wifes purse when she's not looking 

pondering the wonderful thing called marriage 

I accidentally back the car into a baby carriage 

'scuse me ma'am I'd love to stay and chat 

but watch where you're going next time you old bat 

I hit the gas and zoom down the block 

leave 'er in the dust yellin' for the cops 

swervin' round a corner tryin' to steer 

I get so excited I almost spill my beer 

a neighbourhood dog is yappin' at my bumper 

so I slam on the brakes and I hear a big thump 

I jump the curb and land up on a lawn 

then I finish my beer and turn the radio on 

some idiot's goin' on about rehab 

I grab a brew and yank on the pull tab 

here comes a little old lady with a shot gun 

I put the pedal to the metal and she runs 

digging on my off-road driving power 

I do a donut in a bed of flowers 

then I jerk the wheel a little to hard 

the car rolls over and over on out of the yard



(Causin' much destruction) 

(Act the fool) 



I come to rest in the middle of the street 

a bunch of empty beer cans rattlin' at my feet 

starin' in the window is a nosy little brat 

I look him in the eyes and say "I meant to do that" 

then I notice my watch says I'm overdue 

for my big appointment at the local drive through 

I do a number on the accelerator 

and I'm cuttin' in line about thirty seconds later 

whaddya think this is? 

some kinda joke? 

gimme 10 Big Macs and a small diet coke 

I pull up to the window with my radio playin' 

I grab the bag and leave without payin' 

I weave down the road for a block 

jugglin' a beer and a a styrofoam box 

pull into a parking lot and kill the motor 

presently I notice a peculiar odour 

a little black smoke is risin' from the hood 

somethings gonna happen and it's probably not good 

I open the door grab my stuff and go 

just in time to watch the whole thing blow 

the car explodes with a bang and a hiss 

Oh boy, my wife is gonna really like this 

I can't believe this is happenin' to me 

this piece of junk's goin' back to the factory 

this was a blatant attempt on my life 

everyone will fall for that 

except my wife 

but wait a plan begins to emerge 

I suddenly have an overwhelming urge 

to spend the night in the great outdoors 

my suburban lifestyle has become a bore 

I'll build me a fire 

and finish my burgers 

what my wife don't know 

won't hurt her 

I leave the scene of the unhappy event 

resolved to make the most of my predicament 

a few yards away I feel better 

I know! I'll write 'er a letter 

or better yet a ransom demand 

got your husband send the money understand? 

or else we'll send his head home in a jar 

P.S. 

sorry 'bout the car 

Yeah, now that ought to really do the trick 

I'll be gettin' off the hook and she'll be worried sick 

but really, I'm gonna make it up to you honey 

I'll buy you a new car with your own damned money 

I walk a while into the sunset 

a man, at peace with the world, you bet 

nothing can diminish my total enjoyment 

except when I pass my place of employment 

Damn I hate this job 

to work in this dump you gotta be a snob 

everybody gets on my nerves in this place 

I think I'll take the afternoon off 

from the rat race 



(Hard like a criminal)