There he goes as usual, my man 
Breaking my foolish heart. 
I really don't know what to do about him 
I've told my self I've got to do without him

There he goes as usual, my man. 
Tearing my heart apart. 
He's made my life a mess 
I've got to do this I guess 
Goodbye, Joe, from here I kiss you 
Goodbye, Joe, I hope I don't miss you

[Pistol sound]

If you had been on the square 
And had treated me fair 
And we'd not had a tiff 
If you had not said 
I should go and jump right off 
The nearest cliff 
If you had stayed off the make 
And you never had taken 
To coming home stiff 
If I had not smelled perfume 
With a nasty unfamiliar whiff

I'M GONNA MISS YOU BABY! 
THINGS COULD'VE BEEN TERIFF! 
Ah, what's the diff… 

If you had not had the cheek 
To stay out for a week 
Saying 'back in a jiff 
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't 
If you hadn't 
If you didn't 
And you weren't 
And you hadn't 
And you didn't 
But you have 
And you were 
And you went 
And you did 
And so goodbye!

If I had not seen you 
Take Geraldine on the lake 
In your flat-bottomed skiff 
If you were not out with Sue 
With your arms around her bare midriff 
If I had not seen you pen sexy letters 
To Gwen in your own Hieroglyph 
If you had not left me home 
When you had two seats for South Pacif

I'M GONNA MISS YOU, BABY 
YOU WERE TOO DARN PROLIF 
Ah, what's the diff

If you were not such a hound who 
When game was around 
Always picked at the sniff 
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't 
If you hadn't 
If you didn't 
And you weren't 
And you hadn't 
And you didn't 
But you were 
And you have 
And you went 
And you did

AND SO, GOODBYE

If when I asked where you'd been 
You had not cliffed my chin 
With a beautiful biff 
Hey 
If I had not always found purple 
Lipstick on your handkerchief 
If you had not told me lies 
And then looked in my eyes 
With a smile beautif 
If when I caught you with Kate 
You had not said, “It's of no signif!”

I'M GONNA MISS YOU, BABY 
AND I COULD GET SPECIF! 
Ah, what's the diff!

If The best years of my life 
Weren't spent as your wife 
With no marriage certif 
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't 
If you hadn't 
If you didn't 
If you weren't 
If you hadn't 
If you didn't 
But you had

And then we coulda 
And you didn't 
Though you shoulda

If you didn't 
If you weren't 
If you hadn't 
If you didn't 
But you were 
And you have 
And you went 
And you did 
And so 
Good bye 
See ya later, Joe