I was sitting in a diner

With a girl named Flo

She wouldn't say yes

But she couldn't say no

She said "Darling, Can I get a middle man?"

She was engaged to a fellow

On the lay a way plan

But she carried all her money

In a coffee can

She said "Darling, Can I get a middle man?"

The cook looked over

With a short order face

Dropped a fork

And he saw Flo's legs

Straightened his apron

And burnt my eggs

I got competition

Everywhere I go

These days



She was leaning on the juke box

And was lookin' real good

Like Natalie Wood

On a Pontiac hood

I said "Darling, I think I need a little hand"

Ya see, I've seen my downs

I've seen my ups

I seen miniature dogs

In coffee cups

But "Darling I ain't never seen a middle man"



Flo talked slow

Like real wet paint

She said

"A middle man's there

When the other ones ain't

He's got a left handed manner

That leans to the right

Sleeps all day

And keeps it up all night ..."

... I got an aunt in Ohio

And a boat that won't row

Some veterans insurance

And nowhere to go

"Darling, Can I be your middle man?"



(spoken)

If I could get the money in that coffee can

I could open me up a lemonade stand

Send all the kids off to Pakistan

Make Flo happy

If I can



Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode

Are gonna buy me a house in Hollywood

"Darling I think I got the perfect plan"

"We're gonna save half a dollars

And sell 'em to France

Buy us a record

And learn how to dance

And Darling I'll always be your middle

Darling Go buy a griddle

Darling I wanna be your middle man