And if one day I should become
A singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue
I'd sing to them with a guitar
I borrowed from a coffee bar
Oh, what you don't know it don't hurt you, so to say

My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
Oh, if I gave them some they'd know
I expect something in return
I'd have to get drunk every night
To talk about virility
With some old grandmamma who might
Be decked out like a Christmas tree
And tho' pink elephants I could see
The white ..... drawns as I could be
Still I would sing my song to me
About the time they called me Jackie, oh yeah

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

And if I joined the social whirl
Became procurer of young girls
Then I would have my own bordellos, yeah
My record would be number one
And I'd sell records by the ton
All sung by many other fellows

My name would then be handsome Jack
And I'd sell boats of opium
Whiskey that came from Twickenham
Authentic queers and phony virgins, oh yeah
I'd have a bank on every finger
A finger in all these countries
And all the countries ruled by me
I still know where I'd wanna be
Locked up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some China men
I'd sing my song that I sang then
About the time they called me Jackie, oh yeah

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

Now tell me wouldn't it be nice
One day there in Paradise
I sang for all the ladies up there
And they would sing along with me
We'd be so happy there to be
'Cause down below is really nowhere, really nowhere

My name would then be Jupiter
And I would know where I was going
I would become all knowing
This beard so very long and flowing, yeah
If I became deaf dumb and blind
Because I pitied all mankind
And broke my heart to make things right
I know that every single night
When my angelic work was through
The angels and the devil too
Would sing my childhood song to me
About the time they called me Jackie, oh yeah

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way