Ahhh...sweet youth 

The joys of becoming a teenage prostitute 

Or in my case a blood-crazed gladiator 

Til I got stuck on this planet and got hooked 

on the weed and the crack and the booze and the pills and the speed 

And the sex and the mud and blood and the shit 

Let's go hit the 

Nitro-burning funny bong 

Just one hit, your life goes wrong 

Nitro-burning funny bong 

Another stupid stoner song 

Fat and lame 

The claws have been clipped and the tigers been tamed 

By a bong, and a schlong 

Yes now we have all seen how games can go wrong 

My brains filled with bees and my cock is diseased 

Laden with pus it hangs well past my knees 

A swarm of narcotics could get me through this 

My manager's gonna be pissed 

Let's go hit the 

Nitro-burning funny bong 

Just one hit, your life goes wrong 

Nitro-burning funny bong 

Another stupid stoner song 

Oh, can you take it 

Yeah, do a monster

Oh, can you deal with it? 

We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys 

Now I'm old 

Strapped in my cell as I cultivate mold 

In the twilight of my years 

I am still a drug addict 

I'm sucking all night long on a ten foot bong 

Moistened with lotion, 

wrapped in a sarong I live like a king 

but you know that I act like a faggot

Once was a warrior, now just a sponge 

High all the time got a dick like a muskellunge 

My glorious destiny it turned to shit 

Can I get another hit? 

From the Nitro-burning funny bong 

Just one hit, your life goes wrong 

Nitro-burning funny bong 

Another stupid stoner song 

Oh, can you take it 

Yeah, do a monster 

Oh, can you deal with it?

We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys