Orc was crouched on the cavern floor

And kept an eye on the oaken door

For many a night he'd watched it close

To see who might appear.

Oh dear! See him leer?

He's clutching a mighty spear!



Orc was guarding a mighty stash

And any who'd come he'd have to slash

For stacked on high in the cavern behind

Were kegs of goblin beer

Oh dear! To his rear

The Goblin King kept all his beer!



Dwarf was thirsty as he crawled

To the oaken door on the cliff face wall

His nose had caught the scent of ale

Oh what a sweet sensation.

Elation! Fixation!

He's found the Goblin's libation.



Chorus:

Dwarf and Orc

A battle not worth telling

Spear or cork

With which should ye be assailing

Just pop a dwarf on the head with a cork

And see if his axe don't sing!

Just take that axe upon yer skull

And see if yer head don't ring!



With his axe he smote the place

But no surprise on the Goblin's face

Whilst guarding he'd just helped himself

And drank all the Goblin King's brew

Oh boo! What to do?

He's got himself into a stew!



The door came crashing in on Orc

Who'd traded his spear for a beer to uncork

His drunken smile was soon replaced

As Dwarven axe did cleave that face

What a case - of disgrace

The dwarf was king of the place



So in the dark he felt around

But nothing intact was to be found

The bottles smashed, the kegs all dry

The Orc had drunk the lot

Found it not! Such a sot!

And deserving of what he had got!



Chorus:

Dwarf and Orc

A battle not worth telling

Spear or cork

With which should ye be assailing

Just pop a dwarf on the head with a cork

And see if his axe don't sing!

Just take that axe upon yer skull

And see if yer head don't ring!