*Hey! Do you know what you are?*
*You're an asshole! An ASSHOLE!*

Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see...
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole?
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole...

Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
Maybe you think you're too tough to cry
So you went to *The Grape*,
Just to give it a try
And Dagmar
*Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I ever saw in my life*
Was his name...
*One Two Three Four!*
The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his
Pancake make-up
*And yet he was a beautiful lady*
Nearly drove you insane
*Let's talk about Leather: LEATHERRRRRR*
And so you kissed a little sailor
*Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production:*
Who had just blew in from Spain
*Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf*
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
*The story of a demented bread-boffer*
And acted like it was cocaine
*Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf*
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
*Then on Tuesday night, Ceasar's back in town*
In a way you can't explain
*Facing off in a no-holds-barred tag team grudge match
  With Kona.*
And so you worked the wall with Michael
*Three-hundred-seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite*
Which gave your back an awful strain
*Volcanic Hell*
But you came back on Sunday for the gong show
*Next Thursday, teen town's finest...*
But you forgot what I was sayin'
'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole

*Now you been to The Grape 'n' you been to The Chest*
*'N' now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole*

You say you can't live with what you been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you,
But don't fool yerself girl
It's lookin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's winkin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
*Corn hole*
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
*Fist fuck*
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
*Wrist-watch; Crisco*
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
*Pud!*

Don't fool yerself, girl
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(etc., repeats)

*Aw, I knew you'd be surprised