JOANNE:
 Here's to the ladies who lunch--
 Everybody laugh.
 Lounging in their caftans 
And planning a brunch
 On their own behalf.
 Off to the gym,
 Then to a fitting,
 Claiming they're fat.
 And looking grim,
 'Cause they've been sitting
 Choosing a hat.
 Does anyone still wear a hat?
 I'll drink to that.
 
And here's to the girls who play smart--
 Aren't they a gas?
 Rushing to their classes
 In optical art,
 Wishing it would pass.
 Another long exhausting day,
 Another thousand dollars,
 A matinee, a Pinter play,
 Perhaps a piece of Mahler's.
 I'll drink to that.
 And one for Mahler!
 
And here's to the girls who play wife--
 Aren't they too much?
 Keeping house but clutching
 A copy of LIFE,
 Just to keep in touch.
 The ones who follow the rules,
 And meet themselves at the schools,
 Too busy to know that they're fools.
 Aren't they a gem?
 I'll drink to them!
 Let's all drink to them!
 
And here's to the girls who just watch--
 Aren't they the best?
 When they get depressed,
 It's a bottle of Scotch,
 Plus a little jest.
 Another chance to disapprove,
 Another brilliant zinger,
 Another reason not to move,
 Another vodka stinger.
 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
 I'll drink to that.
 
So here's to the girls on the go--
 Everybody tries.
 Look into their eyes,
 And you'll see what they know:
 Everybody dies.
 A toast to that invincible bunch,
 The dinosaurs surviving the crunch.
 Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch--
 Everybody rise!
 Rise!
 Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!
 Rise!