Happy hour belongs to America's best-loved thugs

Here comes the 4-wheel prosthetic penises

Got yer gun racks, tractor tires and lynch mob drivers

We couldn't find a chick to sit in the middle

So we drink ourselves sick

Lean out the windows and pinch ass instead 



We are the Goons of Hazzard 

Glorified on your TV 

We run down bikes and hitch hikers 

And we know we'll get off scot-free 

We're the vigilante heroes of your tough-guy flicks

Bashing punks & bums and fags

With our baseball bats

No deer to blow away in the woods today

So we go to Oroville and shoot a black kid down

Or waste demonstrators in Greensboro instead 

We are the Goons of Hazzard 

Glorified on your TV 

We leave you in a pool of blood 

Cos we know we'll get off scot-free 

Let's get him: 

C'mere

C'mere

Say something to me? 



We've got him cornered

We've got him cornered

Is anybody looking?

Does anybody even care?

No! 



Local papers paint us up to be big heroes

City fathers & Chamber of Commerce want us deputized

The stoner gestapo keepin' your town clean

Get a shave, kid

We'll pay you as a strike-breaker

Maybe you'll make Tac Squad for the L.A.P.D. 



We are the Goons of Hazzard 

Glorified on your TV 

We leave you in a pool of blood 

And we always get off scot-free