Dear Abby,

Got a problem
I'm a decent, underpaid
hardworking county coroner
It's important that my family eat meat
At least three times a week
But we just can't afford to
With the prices the way they are
So I bring home some choice cuts
From my autopsy subjects
Just mix in the Tuna Helper…and ta-da!

The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious
They ask me what's my secret
Abby, I think they're getting suspicious
My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps asking, "Where's all the meat?
The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge."

If they find out the truth I don't think they'll understand
Abby, what do I tell my family?

Dear Reaganomics victim: 
Consult your clergyman
Make sure the body's blessed 
And everything should be just fine.