I love a little Tanqueray, with an olive, not a twist,
And just a hint of dry vermouth, sprayed on like Irish mist.
I'll have one in the morning just to make my day go well,
And two more in the evening, so I can give it hell.
'Cause I'm a M..M..M..Martini Man,
I'll have me one or two when I can,
I've had fifty years of life, got two boys and a lovely wife,
I'm a dyed in the wool, Martini Man.

I came to these green pastures when I was but a lad,
An African who loved his beer, a little, just a tad,
But you know those BMO bankers, Martini-swilling wankers,
'Twasn't long before I was a bar-room grad.

Now I'm a M..M..M..Martini Man,
I'll take them baby, any way I can,
I've had fifty years of life, two big sons and a little wife,
I'm a larger than life, Martini Man.

But Oh my God that banking, it was a dreadful bore,
So I started selling houses, a realtor to the core.
And with every sale I made, I'd take me off into the shade,
And have another dry one, that's the law!!

'Cause I'm a M..M..M..Martini Man,
Don't knock me, cause that's just the way I am.
I've had fifty years of life, got two sons and a lovely wife,
I'm an obstinate, intemperate, obdurate, inveterate,
One is not enough,
MARTINI MAN!!