If I were a tardigrade I'd move out from home
Why live in the shrubbery when you could have a throne
Pressure wouldn't squash me and fire couldn't burn
These are the things that I will never learn
These are the things I never will learn

I live in the shrubbery for that's all I crave
I don't want these excitements to see me to my grave
I can live life in vacuums for years with no drinks
And put up with hardships more than you can think
And put up with hardships more than you can think

If I shed all my liquid and let myself dry out
I'll shrivel and sleep for some 15 odd years
I'd wake up come water and get on with living
With time in my pocket to pass by the day

If I were a tardigrade I'd move out from home
Why live in the shrubbery when you could have a throne
Pressure wouldn't squash me and fire couldn't burn
These are the things that I will never learn
These are the things I never will learn

For I am a tardigrade and I'll stay at home
I'd not trade it for anything, not a knife, a cup or a throne
Well all I want is my shrubbery and my little patch of moss
With my whisky in the cabinet
And my feet all clothed in socks
And my feet clothed in socks