Parody of Ordinary Life by Chad Brock (Connie Harrington/Bonnie Baker), Magnolia Hill Music (ASCAP) (A division of McSpadden-Smith Music LLC).



New lyrics & music by Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music (SESAC)



Cledus at the kitchen table

Short of breath, legally disabled

Wife walks in, she's so surprised

Can't believe I'm still alive

I say I'm hungry for biscuits and gravy

That patty melt that you always made me

But I can't eat that anymore



They say grease kills; 

Tastes good to me

Day in, day out it's all I eat

My third bypass, unclogged the valves

Just to clog them again

Never felt worse; 

A constant thirst

Lordy how my left arm hurts

I blame my job, I blame my wife

For this coronary life



Cledus on the ER table

Vital signs ain't too stable

Hey, Doc, I'm proud of you

I didn't think that I'd pull through

Later in Intensive Care

I had the nurses laughing there

So thankful Blue Cross will pay



For the bills, my IVs

Four thousand dollar EKGs

That's the last time I need

Angioplasty

It's off I go to Type-O

To improve my cardio

It's about time I said goodbye

To my coronary life



Sweat's pouring off me at the health spa

The Stairmaster's wore me out again

You know I can't believe how much I miss

The way I used to live



I'd eat red meat, 

Pickled pigs feet

Always craving something sweet

My food was fast, 

But that's the past

I can't eat fat again

Aerobicize, 

Reduced my thighs

No more German chocolate pie

I miss my fudge, I miss my fries

And my coronary life