These are your orders, seems like it's do it or die

So please read them closely

When you've learnt them be sure that you eat them up

They're specially flavoured with burgundy, Tizer and rye

Twelve sheets of foolscap, don't ask me why.





We hit the jungle just as it starts to monsoon

Our maps showed no rainfall

All the boys were depressed by this circumstance

Trust in the weather to bless agricultural man

Who gives birth to more farmhands, don't ask me why.





Fifteen was chosen because he was dumb

Seven because he was blind

I got the job because I was so mean

While somehow appearing so kind

Drifting about through the cauliflower trees

With a cauliflower ear for the birds

The Squadron assembled what senses they had

And this is the sound that they heard





Back at headquarters khaki decisions are made

File under 'Futile', that should give you its main point of reference

It's all so confusing, what with pythons and then deadly flies

But to them it's a picnic, don't ask me why.





Thirteen was chosen because of his luck

Eleven because of his feet

One got signed up for exceptional pluck

Another because he was mute

Roaming about through the gelatin swamps

With a gelatin eye on the stripes

The Squadron assembled what senses they had

And this is the sound that they heard





Back in Blighty there was you

There were milkmen every morning

But/Fuck these endless shiny trees

Never used to be that way.