Well, the reindeer pull the sleigh
And the elves make the toys
Those are stories that are well known to all little girls and boys

But I've got another story that I bet you haven't heard
Did you know that Santa has a secret agent bird?

He's Penguin, James Penguin
That dapper little guy
Like a well dressed duck in a three piece tux
He's Santa's secret spy

Have you ever wondered how Santa keeps tabs
How he knows when you've been good
How he knows when you've been bad

He's Penguin, James Penguin
That dapper little guy
Like a well dressed duck in a three piece tux
He's Santa's secret spy

From an undisclosed location
He's watching me and you
He's got satellite uplinks in his cufflinks, yeah, he sees everything you do

He's Penguin, James Penguin
That dapper little guy
Like a well dressed duck in a three piece tux
He's Santa's secret spy

Not so very long ago Santa didn't need much help
But with more and more kids every year he soon got overwhelmed
He told the elves one Christmas, we can't do this anymore
Then a knight in shining polyester waddled through his door

And it was Penguin, James Penguin
He was there to save the day
He had wireless
And GPS outfitted on the sleigh

And Santa said Penguin
Won't you be my ears and eyes
How'd you like to help me run
My SCFBI

He's Penguin, James Penguin
And now I guess you've heard
How Santa got his little Christmas secret agent bird