I'm gettin' up when my next door neighbor's
Turnin' off the late show and hittin' the hay
I've got to sign on the radio station
I'm what's known as a country D.J.

Nothin' in the house but some instant coffee
Doughnuts left from early yesterday
Ain't exactly what you call a gourmet breakfast
But rich boys don't play country D.J.

Earphones, microphones, telephones
Backbones just about to break now any day
Phonographs, photographs, autographs
Belly laughs, epitaphs, sure gettin' written this way.

Lord have mercy on a country D.J.

Two fan letters in my box this mornin'
One from the boss says cut down the gab
Woman wrote in and asked for a song
For another woman's husband drivin' a cab.

News machine must've run out of paper
Last thing I have is the midnight report
Weather forecast says warm and sunny
Funny it was snowin' when I came in the door.

Earphones, microphones, telephones
Backbones just about to break now any day
Phonographs, photographs, autographs
Belly laughs, epitaphs, sure gettin' written this way.

Lord have mercy on a country D.J.

Another discjockey taught me the business
Showed me how to talk and the things to do
Poor ol' boy passed away last Monday
Old age got him at the age of 22.

Thirty more seconds and the fiddles start playin'
Turntable's ready got my records at hand
I still get a thrill every mornin' when I tell 'em
Howdy there friends out in the radio land.

Earphones microphones, telephones
Backbones just about to break now any day
Phonographs, photographs, autographs
Belly laughs, epitaphs, sure gettin' written this way.

Lord have mercy on a country D.J.

Are you sure that Ralph Emery
And Charlie Douglas got started this way
I tell you I have to do everything around here
Sign on, sign off, pick up records.

Pick up trash. cut commercials
Cut the grass, carry out orders
Carry out garbage, answer to the boss
Answer the phone, good mornin' radio station.

No ma'm Porter Wagoner is not married to Dolly Parton
Thank you for calling
I tell you what I'm gonna get a real job
I'm gonna pump gas, that's where my money is
Anyway radio, boo on radio...