you're breakin' hearts and you're breakin' guitars
today's your birthday and you don't even know how old you are
you're in love with every woman from tyler
you went swimming in the ocean with my goddamn dialer
you used to be fat, i think then i liked you best
'cuz now you're skinny, i'm chubby, and you make fun of my breasts
and i'm sorry, but this may sound weird
but you gotta do something 'bout the food in your beard

Chorus
happy birthday, ralph
i love you
even though you are fu?kin' disgusting
happy birthday, ralph
i love you
even though you are fu?kin' disgusting

Bridge
you can't WEAR YOUR BIKER HAT because of your hair
wherever you go, u break everything everywhere
this year 6th GEAR now get on your way
TURN OF THE STEREO CHORUS
AND THE DIGITAL DELAY

some people, they think, they think you're rostafarian
and they ask you for pot
i think i like it, i know i like it
i like it a lot because, because it pisses you off
so for your birthday
i got you some hawaiian punch on tap
age p.o.t.
so now you can stop borrowing my stuff
and trying your new kung fu moves out on me

Chorus
Bridge

happy birthday, ralph, i love you
even though you have a beard (are fu?kin')
happy birthday, ralph, i love you
even though you are perverted and weird

Chorus

happy birthday, ralph, i love you