Don't smoke, don't fight, don't light no cigarettes
Or else you'll wind up in the can
No jokes, don't write, sit tight, don't fool around
You are a guest of Uncle Sam
Stand up, look right, don't slouch and stand at ease
And know no sex above the knees
When I snap, you jump into the master plan
I'll be damned
Well, I'll be damned
I'll be damned
If I drink or smoke
Damned, if I steal your jokes
I'll be damned
If I go for broke
Damned if I do
Damned if I don't
Don't talk, don't fool, don't try to mess around
I'll make a monkey out of you
You sign your name right on the dotted line, boy
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
If I drink or smoke
Damned
If I steal your joke
I'll be damned
If I go for broke
Damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't
Come on
I'll be damned
If I drink or smoke
Damned
If I steal your joke
I'll be damned
If I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't
I'll be damned
If I drink or smoke
Damned
If I steal your joke
I'll be damned
If I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned