(Spoken) Nascar fans in here at all?.... Who's got the ugliest car in Nascar? 

Dale Jarrett? You oughta know sir, you work for UPS. Dale Jarrett has the 

nastiest looking car in Nascar.



Name me three things uglier than Dale Jarrett's car

Keith Richards naked -- that's close but no cigar

The Elephant Man in bowling shoes with a chili vomit stain

Or French-kissing that poor woman from "Throw Momma From the Train"



Name me three things uglier than Dale Jarrett's car

Lyle Lovett naked, dancing in a leather bar

Richard Petty naked without his glasses or his hat

George Jones naked -- now what's worse than that?



Name me three things uglier than Dale Jarrett's ford

Tony Siragusa in a jock strap, bouncin' on a diving board



(Spoken) Y'all know Tony Siragusa? Defensive line for the Baltimore Ravens... 

He makes a chin strap look nasty, I'm telling you... he's so big and...



Getting caught without an umbrella in the middle of a **** storm

But at least it's the same color as a UPS uniform.