(Heaton/Rotheray)

When you're too old for the swings

You tend to choose the slide

And they never seem to warn you

The slide's your final ride

And when you're at the top of it

And you cannot see the end

Either don't let go son - Or grab the nearest friend

The slide is no respecter of dignity or class

As soon as you sit down on it

That slide has got your ass



Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

Heroes and villains have tried and cried

A broken soul at the bottom lies denied

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide



When the slide was invented

A thousand drinkers sighed

They thought they had the copyright

On the very word the slide

It's a picture of innocence

On which the innocent have fried

Take the helter skelter son

It's easier than the slide

Advice to listening parents

Or the father of the bride

Let them marry anyone

But don't let her take the slide



Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

Heroes and villains have tried and cried

A broken soul at the bottom lies denied

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide



It'll take you much much lower

Than you ever would have asked

'Cause as soon as you sit down on it

The slide has got your ass - It's customers are fools

And every one of them deceased

The long and silver murderer

The devil must have greased



Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

Heroes and villains have tried and cried

A pile of broken souls at the bottom it denied

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide



Don't take the slide, don't take the slide

Heroes and villains have tried and cried

A broken soul at the bottom it denied

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide