Tommys stutters comicly
When he says a lot of things,
Mommy does the shopping,
Daddys digging through the laundry bins,
He likes to try on mommy's things
With his hair up in her bobby pins
The neighbors very neighborly
Occasionally taking peeks at his neice when she takes a pee
I heard the plumbers found a finger when they fixed the basement leak

So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Middle America, I love you

Old Mister Wilkenson killed a man
Drunk from the bar
Hit him with the front of his car
Drug him so far,
There was nothing but parts,
For hundreds of yards
Those thick damn power lines,
Will drive you out your mind
Edna sits in the shower sometimes,
For hours and cries,
Whenever she forgets to tell Howard goodbye

So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Middle America, I love you

Smoking softly but,
Mommys body shook
Droped the coffee cup
I guess the coffee wasn't strong enough
Becca was a quiet girl
Behind the wheel
With a mouth full of diet pills
A couple beers
And some stuff for your sinuses
Dancing in the fire
Smashing all of the appliances
The psychiatrist said, the zoloft had some side effects.

So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Middle America, We love you

Pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Miss America, We love you