Mr. Long is a man unique in his kind

He's a Chinese superhero in his own mind

He thinks he's a sex god, he rarely has a date

Mr. Long is a man traumatized by fate

His first name is Hung, with the last name Long

I heard it, Hung Long, that may have to be a song

Please forgive me I ramble and I sound like a liar

I'm just killing time while my clothes are in the drier

People greet him nicely then they bite their tongue

'Cause they all say the same thing, "So, how are ya, Hung?"

Well, maybe they'll open their eyes

And see Long is a man who needs to be lobotomizd

Horny as hell and I know what's up

He loves to play games, I guess he never grew up

Red Rover, Red Rover, nobody will bend over

So he plays another game called The Hunt For Miss October

Competitive at this, no contest, he'll win it

He should try out for a spot on the One Arm Olympics

If you wanna be like Long, for a game you're yearnin'

Just drop your pants and do the Pee Wee Herman



[chorus]

Find a wife, get a life, do something

You're just wasting away, what more can I say

You're gettin' all excited over nothing



He's been dissed since the day he was born, it's a fact

His mother told the doctor "He's not done, put him back"

He got picked on by his girlfriend, wouldn't play the game

I guess he didn't live up to his name

Hung Long has pick-up lines, he made up a few you bet

But a slap in the face is all he manages to get

He told a girl she's the boss and he's applying for a bit

And did she have any openings that he could fit

He thinks he's Superman, it's gone to his head

He's faster than a speeding bullet when he's in bed

One girl almost married him, that's a fact

But when a gay lover sued, that was the end of that

Nowadays it's still not real in his brain

He has dreams of condoms breakin' from the strain

He had a blind date once, but his plans were spoiled

He thought she's look like Bo Derek, she turned out like Olive Oyl

So he doesn't do that anymore

He just makes his weekly trip to the corner store

Doesn't worry about back talk or worry about a scuffle

He's perfectly safe doin' the old Knuckle Shuffle



[chorus]