(Difford/Tilbrook)  



I'm faced with the facts   

And a fist full of threats  

I stand quite amused   

At the end of the bed  

I have no defense   

For what I have said  

As a handful of love   

Whacks me right round the head  

She's growling and stalking   

And grabs from a pile  

A book that she throws   

And it missed by a mile  

I'm holding a pillow   

And as naked as sin  

I'm backed to a corner   

With a wastepaper bin  

Then up on the mattress   

There's no place to go  

I'm guilty yes guilty   

But there's no place like home  



I rewind the hours   

To see what went wrong  

I plead for forgiveness   

And I'm hit like a gong  

It seems that I'm guilty  

Of smiling too long  

When recalling lovers   

That now are long gone  

I'm guilty you're guilty   

So let me be stoned  

The past is the present   

When there's no place like home  



Off with the shoes   

And a whack round the head  

Your ear rings like a phone  

Some explanation   

Might patch and mend  

A love that's lost control   

Now there's no place like home