(The Rise And Fall Of A Budding Gigolo)

(R. Stewart, K. Savigar, J. Davis)



Well I arrived on time

My courduroy suit and me bottle of wine

There were women wall to wall 

It's Saturday night and I wanted them all 

everyone



Sidled up for a dance

I tried a new step and fell in the plants

I told a joke, about the Pope

It wasn't as funny as I would've hoped



Nobody told me she was the daughter 

of the mayor

I was so embarrassed, I just wished the 

ground would swallow me up

Accidentally my elbow hit the record player

The rock 'n' roll stopped 

and everybody just stared

(oh no)



Who's gonna take me home

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed

Who's gonna take me home

This party's gone right to my head



I didn't worry, not me

Panic ain't in my vocabulary

Smashed beyond reproach

Suddenly I wanted to take off my clothes



All hell broke loose

I started to take off my trousers and shoes

And so I tried to look cool

I stepped back and fell in the pool



The hostess helped me out 

and asked for my dismissal

I said I was sorry, but I've been 

under so much pressure 

just lately, baby 

I felt as popular as a Russian guided missile

The last thing I remember, I left with a girl 

on a motor bike

That weighed three hundred pounds and 

what's wrong with that



Who's gonna take me home

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed

Who's gonna take me home

This party's gone right to my head

to my head



I woke up on the floor

Still in my suit and she told me I snored

I never felt so cheap

I had a good laugh at the size of her feet



Holy Moses, I don't like this single living

I think I'll find me a nice local girl and 

settle on down, now

With a home and a garden 

and a nature quite forgiving

Then again maybe I'll just hang around



Who's gonna take me home

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, right now

Who's gonna take me home

This party's gone right to my head 

to my head

Now who's gonna take me home

Hey Brian could you give me a lift 'cos I don't live 

too far from you, boy

Mary c'mon I've known you so long please give 

me a lift home, oh c'mon

Jim oh c'mon boys would you just 

give me a lift home

I don't live too far from here and I'm so tired