I like a girl in satin
Who talks dirty in Latin
A girl who’s flirty
When she quotes Krishnamurti
If she likes to be goosed
While reciting from Proust
I’ll know she’s my kind of creature
Among her delectables
Her intellectables
Must be her sexiest feature

CHORUS
I’ve got The Hots For The Smarts
The Hots For The Smarts
IQ off the charts
Give me brains over hearts
I’ve got The Hots For The Smarts

I like a girl from Mensa
With a furrowed brow
When the tenses get denser
She gets it – and how!
I need a polymath
Called Cindy or Cath
Who likes her Plato not too platonic
An autodidact
Who can add and subtract
While sipping her Tolstoy and tonic

I need a girl with a feel
For Faraday’s wheel
A girl who’ll drool
For Fleming’s Left Hand Rule
Now you may like pin-ups
Of girls who do chin-ups
Like Xena the Warrior Princess
But I’ll take to dinner
My Nobel Prize winner
With plutonium stains down her dress

I like a girl who knows loadsa
Kierkegaard and Spinoza
Who likes to play chess
Humming Porgy and Bess
She must be able
From her logarithmic table
To find all those decimal places
And what do I care
That she’s nothing to wear
And her teeth are imprisoned in braces

I want a girl with a brain
The size of Siberia
With a haughty disdain
Of all things inferior
I don’t want a learner
With a Bunsen burner
She must be the finished article
Who sees our attraction
As chemical reaction
And charm as merely a particle

I want a PHD
Who reads Linear ‘B’
Who applies her lotion
With a Brownian motion
Now some men may favour
A girl who’s a raver
A tease or a saucy young minx
But I’ll get undressed with
The girl I’m impressed with
Who’s tunnelling under the Sphinx