Well I've heard he's into leather and what they both do when they're together 

Curtains twitch in suburbia tonight 

I've heard that they're not real brothers, cos their mam went with another 

Taproom gossip in suburbia tonight 



And the mothers meet and do the rounds 

Hasn't Sheila Jackson piled on the pounds? 

It wouldn't spread much quicker if you put it on the internet 



What's going on at number 34? Kev says there's bodies buried underneath the floor 

But this isn't murder its just Grenoside 

Can you believe that Keeley's with him again?

A clever lass but she's daft when it comes to men 

Walls have ears and there's nowhere to hide 



In the corner shop all the rumours start 

With the dirty looks and the sly remarks 

It wouldn't spread much quicker if you put it on the internet 



She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one.

And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying something for the weekend 

I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend 



Have you heard that Sue's expecting, Mark says cos Donna texted him 

Chinese whispers and spies on mothercare 

Apparently he's off the wagon, he's been seen in the George and Dragon 

Put your eyes back in don't ya know it's rude to stare 



And all the decent people sleep in decent beds 

In preparation for another day of decentness 

If that's so decent then I'll be something else 



She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one. 

And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying something for the weekend 

I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend 



She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one. 

And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying something for the weekend 

I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend 



She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one 

And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying oral contraception 

It can't be for her hubby cos' he can't get an erection 



She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one. 

And Johnny reckons that he saw her in the chemist buying something for the weekend 

I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend