Bruce Campbell is the finest man to grace a silver screen

All the other actors just degrade his noble scenes

The Oscars should award him for his wondrous career

Hold a town parade for him with each movie premiere



Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!

We're gonna be best friends!

Gonna come to your house and watch Hercules

From season one till the end

I'll hand you everything I own

And you'll sign it all for me!

Then we'll start rehearsing for Cave Alien 3



Bruce Lorne Campbell should be offered every lead!

Imagine him as Spider-Man, a finer choice indeed

Casablanca could've been improved if Campbell would've said,

"Here's looking at you...you primitive screwhead!"



Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!

Dert dert da dert dert dert

Gonna come to your house

And put Xena and not sleep until it's done

I got the whole boxset for Briscoe County, too

I love you and to prove it's true

I'm gonna play a kazoo



Bruce Ash Campbell is a truly stellar man

He bravely fought the Deadites

But a chainsaw took his hand

Coincidentally, I have one I barely ever use

I'll saw it off and ship it to the charming, handsome Bruce



Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!

I need the measurements for your chin!

Gonna make me a jawbone implant

And I'm gonna be your twin

Then I'll get me a tattoo of your face

And put it right on my....face

Then we'll fly into outer space and....

Hey Bruce, where are you going?



Bruce Campbell (gonna find you!)

You can't hide from me!

I found your house on Google Maps

And just watched you go pee!

When I find you, I'm gonna clone you

Take your DNA against your will

I'll make 8,000 Bruce Campbells

To build a Bruce Campbellville

Bruce-Campbell-ville!

Bruce!