Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade 
She worked the night shift 
Dishwater blonde, tall and fine 
She got a lot of tips 

Well, earlier I'd been talkin' stuff in a violent room 
Fightin' with lover's past 
I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine 
Dorothy was fast 

Well, I ordered - "Yeah, let me get a fruit cocktail, I ain't 2 hungry" 
Dorothy laughed 
She said - "It sound like a real man 2 me (U're kinda cute) 
U're kinda cute, U wanna take a bath?" (Do U wanna, do U wanna?) ... Bath? 

Oh, I said - "Cool, but I'm leavin' my pants on (What U say?) 
Cuz I'm kinda goin' with someone" 
She said - "Sound like a real man 2 me 
Mind if I turn on the radio?" 

"Oh, my favorite song," she said 
And it was Joni singing, "Help me, I think I'm falling" 
(Drring) The phone rang and she said 
"Whoever's calling can't be as cute as U" 
Right then and there I knew I was through (Dorothy Parker was cool) 

Well 

My pants were wet, they came off 
But she didn't see the movie cuz she hadn't read the book first 

Instead she pretended she was blind 
An affliction brought on by a witch's curse 
Dorothy made me laugh (ha ha, ha ha) 
I felt much better so I went back 2 the violent room 
(Tell us what U did, what U did) Let me tell U what I did 

I took another bubble bath with my pants on 
All the fighting stopped 
Next time I'll do it sooner 
This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker 
(Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker) 
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker 

Well 
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker 
Well 
Oh