I can't sleep without drugs

I toss and turn too much

Bad dreams and such disrupt my peace

So tired that I can't function

Hallucinations chanting something

Every line is louder every hour

I think they have a message

Reciting some passage

Lighting the back of my eyelids

With a match

The muscles in neck get so tense

That they crush my head and break the silence

With my own screams of agony

It happens more frequently, recently

After years of remission

Why the sudden resurrection?

My cross to bear comes from nowhere

With no warning

And it'll chase me til they're over my casket mourning

It wants to see how much I can take before I break

And take my life to end the sleepless nights

But I'm not the forfeiting type

Can't fight the enemy inside me but I can bleed the motherfucker out

And pass out



Carrying my cross inside me

It drives me

Heavy on my mind

Cure it all with rhymes

I'll be	



As quickly as it hits me it leaves me

Euphoria beyond description

Like a heroin prescription

I survived it again, but not without damages

Whatever it is, it'll revive and get me again

The question is when

How quickly can I mend and recover

Til I smother myself under the covers

Keep the blood flow low to my head

Explode and see red

I'm going to bed

Like a fish outta water

So helpless kinda sorta like a

Medical disorder

Middle of school in the fourth quarter they took me out on a stretcher

Popping my chest with electric shocks

To keep my heart from stop beating

Two hours later I'm alive and eating

Still breathing

Til the new pills kick in

Knock me down so bad I'd rather have it out with death and win

At least then I'd be awake enough to see what's up

When the doctor starts to pump me full of junk with IV injections

Til I'm comatose the overdose made me a ghost

I see my end



Carrying my cross inside me

It drives me

Heavy on my mind

Cure it all with rhymes

I'll be



It could be brought on by anything

Some treatments may work some of the time

Most will mask the symptoms by numbing all the senses

There is no known cure

We can only try things until we find something that works

If it gets worse, you may need daily treatments for the rest of your life

You're out of options

We see this all the time and there's really nothing we can do

It may be caused by a combination of things

We just don't know for sure