Dear Father,
Forgive me,
It's been
Three minutes since my last erection.

Make it hard.
Make it hard.
Make it hard.
So hard.

Hats off to the Catholic church.
Hats off to Mary and Jesus.
Thanks for the guilt you gave me.
My conscience still enslaves me.

If beating off's a mortal sin,
Then, God,
What a mess I'm in.

Hats off to the nun who beat up
My best friend.

Hats off to Father Friendly.
He's got those hands so manly.
He touched me in a special
So special,
So special.

Father Friendly's making plans,
But God, I hope they don't include his hands.

Hats off to the nun who beat up
My best friend.

Make it hard.
Make it hard.
Make it hard.

Hats off to corporal punishment.
Hats off to the nun with the man hands.
Thanks for the scar on my brother's neck.
Father's tight grip choked him with sacred hands.

God made you,
The judge and jury.
Brothers, sisters,
Don't you worry.

Hats off to the nun who beat up
My best friend.

Make it hard.
Make it hard.
Make it hard.
So hard.

Make it hard.
Make it hard.
Make it hard.
He touched me in a special
So special
So special.
He touched me in a special
So special
So special.