Well, here we are, Ford Theater. (Wow!) This is pretty 
awesome!
I don't know what this play is but I don't really care
because oh my word I can't believe the president is 
here!
I can't see him, but I know he's sitting up there

When Harper's Weekly runs his picture,
I like to keep it, I like to tear it out
but my husband doesn't like it when I do this.
Says he only has so much patience,
and I might just wear it out

Now the play has started but my head is somewhere else.
The way he freed the slaves or something, that's so 
dreamy
I wonder what his view is like from way up in that box
If I turn in my seat this way...
No, maybe this way...
He might see me

He'll be like "Who's that fetching beauty?"
and I'll wave and be like "hi"
and I'll run off with him and we'll have tons of babies
and we'll live in a log cabin and I'll stay home and 
brush his hair
and my husband here can — What was that noise?

-----

He's a tyrant and a crook, if you just take a closer 
look
You can see the lies just dripping from his mouth
He suffocated half the land with his long and bony hand
And he doesn't give a damn about the south

He robbed us all of house and home, and then he left us 
all alone
It is obvious the deed that must be done
He can't be trusted with the power, and now the clock 
has struck the hour
I act on the behalf of everyone

And I'll liberate my country
Unseat the despot, the old rule will vanish
I will turn the page of history
We'll get a new start — Sic Semper Tyrannis!
(ow, my foot)

-----

I don't like this play, all the actors stink and the 
laughs are cheap
I've been out all day, I just want to eat, I just want 
to sleep
It's my second term, it's a fragile peace, hope it 
stays around
My resolve is firm, I have made this bed, now I must 
lie down

My nation's come a long way
And today our many states may stand united
'Twas a heavy price we had to pay
And I hope our efforts don't go unrequited

Time has not been kind
We lost thousands of boys, I lost two of my own
North and south combined
In an orgy of violence like none we have known

Such a war was fought
Brothers fought against brothers on my command
But was it for naught
When the slave are all free in a more perfect land?

My first term went by so fast
And so far I'm thankful for the years I've had
The war is now in the past
And this play really isn't that bad —