Just got hard-pressed underneath my desk

no jest! it's time frontalot confessed:

at the best of times got the worst of rhymes

and I don't think I'm the first to find

my life devoted less to lyrics

than it is to my struggle for pyrrhic

victory in the race to be

teh intarweb's number one devotee

of smutty little things that occur onscreen

(risqué to hey! quintuple-x obscene)

MILFs who shave themselves so cleanly

twins in positions unseemly

my spleen ain't the part that gets vented

I grabbed a hold and fapped like I meant it

distended, probably oughta leave it alone

spend more time stroking on the microphone


got a boatload of midgets and they're in command

of a full-grown woman on her knees and hands

got a long hard donkey and a farmgirl too

and the braying's so dismaying when he starts to spoo

gotta click close

put it away

'cause the internet is f-i-l-t-h-y


lurking in #pass chans on the irc

got dcc'd unexpectedly

with an 80-minute XviD: Nuns In Heat

Part Three, Bad Habits. I'm so l337

that I had that one already

skipped to the part with the fishnet teddy

whipped it out, but to my chagrin

one toss from a win and the boss walked in

said "nuh-uh Front, that terminal ain't

for a latex crucifix spanking a taint

in big 32-bit color

while them rosary beads get yanked out the cruller"

I said "you can't fire me; I quit!"

opened up the case, yanked out the hard disk

absconded, all with the data in hand:

31 years of Hustler scans

plans for how to construct a love-swing

alt.binaries.everything

archived since spring of '92

receipt for my RealDoll's stripper shoes

tools for an online poll I ran:

vote once! tub girl or goatse man?

glands galore, explore for hours

diaper play and roman showers

glory hole video, deep as it gets

mpegs of an heiress that she ought regret

cap'd on cam from a hijacked feed

half a terabyte, so whatcha need?

got grannies in the front, trannies in the back

red on brown on blond on black

ganged up, tied up, all alone

every delectation to which I'm prone


got the Japanese schoolgirl tentacle love

got the furries in a flurry, they been yiffing it up

got a craig's list poster trading poo for pee

got a deep dark dungeon full of hot bi Swedes

gotta click close

put it away

'cause the internet is f-i-l-t-h-y


the backslash on my keyboard's stuck

mouse wheel don't turn 'cause it's all gummed up