They changed our local Palais into a bowling alley and
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

There's Teds in drainpipe trousers and Debs in coffee 
houses and
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

There used to be Trams not very quick
Gotcha from place to place

But now there's just jams half a mile thick
I'm walking

They stuck parking meters outside our doors to greet us
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

Corr monkeys flying round the moon
We'll be up there with em soon
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

Once our beer was frothy but now its frothy coffee well

It used to be fun Dad an old Mum paddling down old 
Southend
But now it ain't done
Never mind chum
Paris is now where we spend our outings

Grandma used to try an shock us all
Doing a knees up the Parker Noll
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

We used to have stars
Singers who sung
A Dixie melody

There buying Guitars plinkty plonk
Backing their selves with three chords only

Ones we'd dance from 12 to 3
I've got news for Elvis P

Things ain't what they used taa
There's a lot we used taa
Things ain't what they used taa beeeee