My childhood years were full of fun
I was a local squirt gun
Out of control and pretty wild
Eager to taste the juice of life
Those were the days I got hooked on 
The sexy stud called Hedgehog Ron
Me and grandpa side by side
Watching porn all through the nite

One, two, four, five
Watching porn made me feel alive
Five, six, eight, nine
I want to make him mine

I have a crush on Ron Jeremy,
I have a crush on a Hedgehog
I have a crush on Ron Jeremy,
I wanna sleep with Ron

My childhood years they flew away
Watching his movies every day
He sure was hot, he turned me on
I packed my bags and ran away
To find my Hedgehog in LA
I intermingled with the stars
So I could get ahold of Ron

One, two, four, five
Watching porn made me feel alive
Five, six, eight, nine
I want to make him mine

(chorus)

Hedgehog, you rock!
Hedgehog, you rock!

Soon I became a jet-set star
Drinking champagne with caviar
Cocktail parties in Bel-Air
and got engaged to a billionaire
But I was still in love with Ron
The only guy that turned me on
So I became the Queen of Sleaze
And now Ron Jeremy's doing me

One, two, four, five (repeat)

(chorus)