I like how, when you turn the intercom up

Like all that little background noise

When the beat comes in

That's real smooth man

Fuck studios, just happen to be here

Aight, whatever


[J-Live]


Yo,

He woke up in a daze, back achin'

Breath smellin' like liquor, dick smellin' like sex

Head throbbin' like the bass from the club last night

No idea how he left

Needless to say, perplexed

As he looked around the room that he never been in

Candles all around the bed, sheets quite feminine

Bucked naked with his kicks on

Breakaway jeans, drawers and sweater were all on the bedroom floor

He heard singin' from the shower from the bathroom door

Sounded like Melvin Moore but he couldn't be sure

She had a sexy ass voice but she was so off-key

Couldn't 'member how she looked, couldn't wait to see

Hopin' that it was the girl, third floor of the club

The one that let him grab her ass when they twisted the dub

Or perhaps it was the dime from the guest list line

Either one and several others would've suited him fine

From the bed to the bathroom, a voice said "come in"

Gradually now, he starts to remember

Peeped through the shower curtain, like bachelor number three

Pleasantly surprised to see that it was the bartender

And tender was the operative word

She had a body like a cello with legs, I mean, the ass was absurd

Long neck, smooth skin, pretty face, kooky nipples

Eyes wider than hips, full lips between dimples

She said "how did you sleep?"

He said he didn't know

She asked "was it good for you too?"

"I think so, but I really can't remember what went down last night"

She told him "take off your shoes, we can replay the highlights"

Stepped out the shower in a daze, legs achin'

Breath short from the ???, dick wrapped in a hat

Wide open cuz it was the last from a twelve-pack

Spit four in the shower till his tire went flat

She thought he was all that

She said "I don't have to work today

Take a little nap so we can do it again"

No sooner than she said it, keys jingled, door slammed

He said "please baby, please don't let it be your boyfriend

For the love of basketball, Mademoiselle, look

I ain't Biggie Smalls, I don't even want a story to tell

I'm a lover, not a fighter, alright"

But then a girl walked in

Saw him naked and said "What the hell?"

Time stood still as he thought to himself,

"This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day"

She's too young to be her mother, so he asked,

"How you doin'? Would you care to join in?"

She said, "nigga is you crazy?

See this ring on my finger? That's my wife you was fuckin'

My name ain't Ronald ???, don't try to play me out"

She reached in her purse for the little pearl handle

He splashed her in the face with the wax from the candle

The 'tender ran back into the bathroom, screamin'

Slipped on the condom wrapper, broke her pretty little neck

The burnt-face wife pulled a gun on the dude

Famous last words: "I ain't mean you no disrespect!"


[Talking]

Wow! That was crazy

Yo J, that was cool and all (uh huh)

But what's up with the violent ending, man?

Is it possible for it to end a little more pleasant?


[Chorus]

What if the story woulda ended like this?

I'ma kick it again but only with a slight twist

It goes one for the griot

Two for da gods

Three to flip the script, cuz it ain't that hard

Check it out


Time stood still as he thought to himself,

"This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day"

She's too young to be her mother

"Would you care to join in?"

She was butt naked under her coat

He was amazed at the second wind kickin' in

Thinkin' 'bout the fact that he almost didn't go to the club

Woulda been wack

If he missed out on the greatest love of his life

Imagine if he stayed home with his wife

Cuz girl two,

Yo her body made the 'tender look like a fender bender

The three of them together turned the bed to a blender

He left like five hours later with a permanent ???

And feels he will ever remember


[Talking]

C'mon J,

There's no way my man got laid quite like that

It just don't happen

It's like a porno or somethin'

And what about his wife?

She didn't even say nothin'?

She didn't page him?


[Chorus]


Time stood still as he thought to himself,

"This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day"

She's too young to be her mother, so he asked, "How you doin'?"

She said "Eww! It smells like somebody been screwin'!

I hope it wasn't y'all"

Then she started laughin'

He said "What's so funny?"

She said "You don't know the half"

She was starin' at the joint with a fucked-up smile

She said "I can come back if you gon' be here for awhile

But between me and you, and my roommate too

What I'm 'bout to say might just be a little snafu in your plans

She used to be a dude!" (Yeah, how's that for a plot twist)

He asked the 'tender was it true

She said "Shit, I told you last night, my man, I thought you knew"


[Talking]

Ewww, shit! (Hahaha)

For real? (Yeah, man)

Uh uh, man you're sick (Hahaha)

For real? You got dat homie, I'm out