Artist: Frank Zappa

Title: Dance contest

----------------------------



FZ: 

"One of, one of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this 

particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you 

say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing that I really

 like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta figure out something

 that I can, uh - do you think we should have another dance contest tonight? 

Oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. Ah, well, let's see...Awright, I'll 

tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's a guy who really wants to 

be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay..." 



BUTCH: 

"You are great, man - you are great. You are the best, baby. Do 'Dinah-Moe 

Humm.'" 



FZ: 

"All right, now wait a minute - what's your name? Hey, hey - what's your 

name?" 



BUTCH: 

"Butch." 



FZ: 

"Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's, here's a girl that wants to dance with 

Butch. What's your name?" 



LENA: 

"Lena." 



FZ: 

"What?" 



LENA: 

"Lena." 



FZ: 

"Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh. 

Okay, let's see - that guy there, with his...that - that one there with the 

teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no - no no no, wait a 

minute, wait... well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. Would you 

like to come up here? ...Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself? 

You, you're sure you can behave yourself? ...Okay, what's your name?" 



GUY: 

"Tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you

(mumble, mmf, etc.)." 



GUY: 

"Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc." 



FZ: 

"Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..." 



GUY: 

"(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness!" 



OTHER GUY: 

"Frank, you're my buddy! Arrgh, mmf." 



FZ: 

"Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message to 

deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and 

you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin' - 

there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. 

Now..." 



GUY (BUTCH?): 

"Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?" 



FZ: 

"Sure. All right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your 

girlfriend." 



GIRL: 

"Hey Zap!" 



FZ: 

"Good to see you again." 



GIRL: 

"Squeak!" 



FZ: 

"I know." 



GUY: 

"I ain't no fucking queer." 



FZ: 

"All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This - 

they'll be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later." 



GUY: 

"I'm not a fucking queer." 



FZ: 

"This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he's not a queer.

He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now... You are going to dance, 

like you've never danced before..."