At the Proper Name Spelling Bee, everyone loses
You can't spell Vermont, you can't spell Massachusetts
'Cause that was the name of a gift the judge wants to receive
Two dogs when he was three

F-U-R-M-O-N-T

And tea was brewed, doughnuts were fried
The refreshment table prepared when we arrived
To find a show for us to play
On an epic Saturday

The judge briefly explained: here's the plan
You can take your tiny hand,
Intermission is at 2:45 and play till three
At the Proper Name Spelling Bee

At the Pollyville library, meetings began
The first five contestants got out almost instantly and
The six lost for not spelling James with a G
The tears wiped on his sleeve were well beyond

Believe what you want but I saw it that day
The last girl in line dropped down and began to pray
For a way to exit out of the mess and be spared from the rest
At least that's what I guessed

One by one, the children's turns were done
An event that should be fun was turned to misery
At the Proper Name Spelling Bee

P-R-O-P-E-R-N-A-M-E-S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G-B-E-E
P-R-O-P-E-R-N-A-M-E-S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G-B-E-E

And as the band began to play
I knew that things were not okay
The looks upon the childrens' face
Were emptier than outer space

And as the band began to play
I knew that things were not okay
The looks upon the childrens' face
Were emptier than outer space

The Proper Name Spelling Bee was only a scam
The cops busted in and they shouted "Up with your hands!
Tonight it ends, your crime spree"
We had been deceived, so we began to scream
The worst obscenities at the Proper Name Spelling Bee