OK kids, everybody sit down and grab a comfortable spot.

We're gonna have a little story.

Not your normal story,

It's gonna have all your favourite charcters from all your favourite books.

And it's gonna be written and told by Figgkidd - your favourite storyteller.



So get ready.

Don't be scared, all these characters are doing normal things.

You'll find this out when you grow older.

But for now, we're gonna sum it up in one big song.

So here I go - the Figgkidd story called fairy tale.



I continue with stories that Figgkidd has ever

so slightly fucked with so listen to clever.

Interpolations of fictionous tales

and stories of good and bad in confrontation.

I go off the track of the regular fables

and intergrate people that sign with the label.

It's quite entertaining, so listen intently,

Figg-fucken-kidd with what I'm presenting.



One very fine day in the castle of Queen,

who's daughter was not very interesting.

And fitted a slipper of glass, here's the thing

the bitch was a hooker and into swinging.



Anyway, she was involved with a prince

who was a knight on the side and pretty intense.

Dude had a baby to one of her friends,

Rapunzel the slut and that's not the end...



Im talking the same shit until you're sick of it

It sounded like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah blah blah

The fairytale master writing 'em faster than anyone's kids 

will think it's great and parents will too 'cause they relate to what I say...anyway



So don't go down to the woods today,

'cause that's where dangerous bears will lay.

They don't eat porridge, they eat people.

dont take the crap that stories feed you.

Sleep in their bed, they'll take off your head.

Tear off your limbs and then leave you for dead.

Not scare you off like Goldilocks,

I'm serious when I tell you to not play with bears.



Now Rapunzel was fucking the knight in two ways,

taking his money then leaving for days.

Betting on horses, losing the cash,

then coming back quick and kissing his ass.

The horses were ridden by several men

who had a chick too who was cookin' for them,

called snow white, because of her habit

snorting the coke with Peter the Rabbit.



It's funny how everything ends in the story.

Little Red Riding Hood taking the glory

Sorry to break the news to the people,

the books they had never mentioned the sequel.

The wolf survived the slice to the stomach,

and ended up killing the Little Red Riding

Hood so the truth has never been harder,

the children are grown, the picture is larger.



Im talking about bad luck

Who really gives a fuck?

It sounds like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah blah blah

The fairytale master writing 'em faster 

then anyone's kids will think it's great and parents will too 'cause they relate to what I say anyway...



Don't go down to the woods today,

'cause that's where dangerous bears will lay.

They don't eat porridge, they eat people.

Don't take the crap that stories feed you.

Sleep in they're bed, they'll take off your head.

Tear off your limbs and then leave you for dead.

Not scare you off like Goldilocks,

I'm serious when I tell you to not play with bears.



So it will go the final chapter.

Kiddies are scared and parents are laughin'.

With all the shit talkin' goin 

And I've lost the plot of the story and so on and so on.

Sorry this started you waiting in angst,

I guess in a way now this track is a prank.

I never knew that I could tell a good yarn,

and have all you sitting inside of my palm.

The moral im thinking is really quite basic:

Don't listen to people that's wearin' a tracer.

They usually running away from the cops,

so my story has come  compliment of my stop.

To take some innocent people as hostage

Don't move a muscle because I have lost it.

Thank you for hearing my tales to lend.

Happily ever after.

The end.



"Come out with your hands up"

Don't fucking push me cunt, I've got these kids!

*gunshot*   ...   Mummy wouldn't like that.