Read it in the paper
Marked the date on the wall
To remind myself to celebrate
The day I lose it all
They made plans to be together
I made plans to be alone
She got a rock
I'm gettin' stoned

Damn right I've got objections
But it's awful too late now
Yeah, the cans are on the limo
And the rice is on the ground
They're headed for the islands
But hell, I'm already gone
She got a rock
I'm gettin' stoned

Here's to happy ever after
And here's to balls and chains
And here's to all us haters
Of old lovers new last names
And here's to holding up
And getting right where I belong
She got a rock
I'm gettin' stoned

Yeah, I knew that it was over
When I heard those wedding bells
That preacher was my jailer
Now this bottle is my bail
So much for all that praying
Her I do would be I don't
She got a rock
I'm gettin' stoned

Here's to happy ever after
And here's to balls and chains
And here's to all us haters
Of old lovers new last names
And here's to holding up
And getting right where I belong
She got a rock
I'm gettin' stoned

So to hell with her and him
And that white horse they rode out on
She got a rock
I'm gettin' stoned
Yeah, she got a rock
Ha ha ha
I'm gettin' stoned
Yeah, I'm gettin' stoned